I have demons.
We all do.
Mine are called perfectionism, expectations, and hindsight.
This week I’ve had some wake up calls. They come when you need them the most, in my experience anyway. Reminding you you’re doing it wrong, going to fast, forgetting the point.
Quick example with a little background. My least favorite time of the day is after I pick the boys up from school until dinner is over. Within that twoish hour time span we inevitably argue, yell, cry, fight about nothing and anything and everything. They are tired. Exhausted. I am already thinking about the dinner battle and wondering if Babe will be home in time to fight it with me. I am also wishing I had thought of an ‘activity’ to do with them, something they could all do, that we could all do. Together. Something that didn’t make a mess or require something to be plugged in or needed markers. Or glue. But, fun? I know, it’s a stretch. To fill the time one day I decided I’d rush us all to the outdoor mall. I have nothing planned for our upcoming family pictures, there was a sale, I’d be quick, buy and return later, grab a dinner out for a treat for all us. How fun! Silly me. it was a nightmare because the boys are tired, the girls are stuck in the stroller, and every other customer gives me their oh wow, poor her face. I really don’t like that face.
Reading between the lines you should be able to see demon 1 and demon 2, perfectionism and expectations.
When my version of the nightmare ensued. I acted like them and threw my own fit, squeezing arms, talking through my teeth, and taking away the only fun part of the trip (dinner) huffing and puffing us back to the car for home. Middle man broke down and cried/screamed/wailed/whined for over 20 minutes. I wish I was exaggerating.
Enter demon 3, hindsight. My children were behaving just fine. Slightly unruly but nothing outrageous. All I needed to do was change my perspective. Instead of talking through my teeth and squeezing arms I should have started a game… like what rhymes with shop or lets find our ABC’s in the store. Anything. ANYTHING that gave them an outlet for their energy. I wasn’t having any fun so why did (do) I expect them to? I set them up for failure. Damn hindsight.
Also earlier this week just after I yelled something to Biggest I heard him in the bathroom singing a tune of my mommy she is so mean. I asked him about it and he clammed up, when I got it out of him what he said I just moved on. He’s right… I was being mean. For absolutely no reason. Well I’m sure I had a reason, but it didn’t matter. It doesn’t usually. And in hindsight I’m going to ask him to tell me that more often because honestly, he’s probably right most of the time. My tone is often short and I’m quick to scold. Nine out of ten times there is a better way to handle it, to handle them, to speak to them.
I’m sorry to pop back in your feed with such a somber and debbie downer tone. I’m just doing a little prioritizing over here so please don’t mind the dust on my bedroom dresser while I do.