I have demons.
We all do.
Mine are called perfectionism, expectations, and hindsight.
Yours?
This week I’ve had some wake up calls. They come when you need them the most, in my experience anyway. Reminding you you’re doing it wrong, going to fast, forgetting the point.
Quick example with a little background. My least favorite time of the day is after I pick the boys up from school until dinner is over. Within that twoish hour time span we inevitably argue, yell, cry, fight about nothing and anything and everything. They are tired. Exhausted. I am already thinking about the dinner battle and wondering if Babe will be home in time to fight it with me. I am also wishing I had thought of an ‘activity’ to do with them, something they could all do, that we could all do. Together. Something that didn’t make a mess or require something to be plugged in or needed markers. Or glue. But, fun? I know, it’s a stretch. To fill the time one day I decided I’d rush us all to the outdoor mall. I have nothing planned for our upcoming family pictures, there was a sale, I’d be quick, buy and return later, grab a dinner out for a treat for all us. How fun! Silly me. it was a nightmare because the boys are tired, the girls are stuck in the stroller, and every other customer gives me their oh wow, poor her face. I really don’t like that face.
Reading between the lines you should be able to see demon 1 and demon 2, perfectionism and expectations.
When my version of the nightmare ensued. I acted like them and threw my own fit, squeezing arms, talking through my teeth, and taking away the only fun part of the trip (dinner) huffing and puffing us back to the car for home. Middle man broke down and cried/screamed/wailed/whined for over 20 minutes. I wish I was exaggerating.
Enter demon 3, hindsight. My children were behaving just fine. Slightly unruly but nothing outrageous. All I needed to do was change my perspective. Instead of talking through my teeth and squeezing arms I should have started a game… like what rhymes with shop or lets find our ABC’s in the store. Anything. ANYTHING that gave them an outlet for their energy. I wasn’t having any fun so why did (do) I expect them to? I set them up for failure. Damn hindsight.
Also earlier this week just after I yelled something to Biggest I heard him in the bathroom singing a tune of my mommy she is so mean. I asked him about it and he clammed up, when I got it out of him what he said I just moved on. He’s right… I was being mean. For absolutely no reason. Well I’m sure I had a reason, but it didn’t matter. It doesn’t usually. And in hindsight I’m going to ask him to tell me that more often because honestly, he’s probably right most of the time. My tone is often short and I’m quick to scold. Nine out of ten times there is a better way to handle it, to handle them, to speak to them.
I’m sorry to pop back in your feed with such a somber and debbie downer tone. I’m just doing a little prioritizing over here so please don’t mind the dust on my bedroom dresser while I do.
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jnwalker1222
11 Responses to hindsight
LUM
Replied on: October 31, 2012, 7:39 AM
You… Are… The… Best… Mom… I… Have… Ever… Known!! Never, ever, ever forget your children are happy and healthy and loved and more well behaved then most!!
Jamie
Replied on: October 31, 2012, 8:43 PM
Thanks Mama… I do forget those big picture things when in the midst of small picture moments. You’re a good reminder though. LUJ
Emily Morris
Replied on: October 30, 2012, 3:14 PM
It’s so relieving to know I’m not the only one who dreads that two hour period every evening. Where my hindsight comes in…is when I realize I only get to spend 2 1/2 hrs with my youngest before she goes to bed. Do I really want to use that time being huffy, and mean? Making it fun sounds like a better idea. I may try this tonight and see if it changes our attitudes.
Jamie
Replied on: October 31, 2012, 8:42 PM
I used to hate that too when I was working, counting hours was a sure way to get me frazzled. I hope you had fun. One day at a time, right?!
GRETA
Replied on: October 27, 2012, 10:33 AM
I completely relate to this. I often overreact in situations like at the mall, or when we’re out and we’re getting those looks (I hate them, too. Ugh). Then I exhaust myself and the kids, and it’s awful. I RELATE, Jamie!!
Jamie
Replied on: October 31, 2012, 8:40 PM
Thank you Greta… it’s nice not being on the Mommy island alone.
AnnMarie
Replied on: October 26, 2012, 5:49 PM
What you just described has been my life lately. I wish I could say just the last few days but I’d be lying. You are not alone in the demons. My biggest demon is expectations, too. I can’t let go of them and I end up being disappointed. The what ifs get me too. When I start on those, I am not fun to be around. I’m mopey mommy.
Jamie
Replied on: October 31, 2012, 8:39 PM
It does make it a bit better knowing we aren’t alone in this… at least it does for me. Thank you.
Liz
Replied on: October 26, 2012, 11:07 AM
::Hugs::
Stasha
Replied on: October 25, 2012, 10:46 PM
I have many of those moments and I am not a perfectionist at all!!
Jamie
Replied on: October 25, 2012, 11:42 PM
Sometimes the best relief comes in the form of company. Thank you for telling me that.